Pinoy Jokes

Aling Dionisia’s Quotable English
– I’m sick of tired. (Ako yata magiging sick)
– True good to be true. (Baka false)
– When it rains, its four. (Ano yan four am or four pm)
– Once in a new moon. (wah ako ma say)
– Please don’t make fond of me. (hahaha funny..err fondy pala)
– The more you hate, the more you laugh. (I want to hate everybody na)
– No holes barred. (Butas…)
– Keep your mouth shock! (Shocking talaga)
– It’s just the tip of the icing. (Wala bang cake)
– Connect me if I’m wrong. (Baka walang signal)
– I hope you don’t mine. (No I don’t, it’s yours)
– Will you please give me alone! (Tama mag-isa ka na nga lang)

Gay Linggo
Source: Text
icpin mo kng lahat ng mga ama ay gagamit ng gay linggo.
Ama: Junaknak ikyeme m sa mudra m, l8tr n akiz juwe, overtime akiz s work chenes.
Anak: Trulalu b yn pudra? Chocjorva k lng yata eh.
Ama:Echuserang froglet! Wiz n tau anda nid ko OT pra may jolawance ka!
Anak: D nman akiz junge ever ng jolawance sau ah!
Ama: Kapal ng feslak m! Wit n nga akiz panglafang kagegetlak m ng anda q no!
Anak: Keribelles! ok fyn kyeme q n k mudra!
Ama: Cge. Go go go.

Uwi ng Maaga…
Source: Text
pag may asawa ka na at gs2 mo na lgi xang umuwi ng maaga i-txt mo lng cia ng ganito “sex will start at 8pm 2nyt…with or without you”. NYAHAHAHAHA!

10 Crazy things na ginagawa pag nalalasing:
Source: Text
1. Umiiyak kahit walang dahilan.
2. Nagbibigay ng advices sa kapwa lasing.
3. Kumakanta ng pasintunado.
4. Tinatawagan or tini-text ang ex.
5. Naiin-love ng bigla.
6. Ginagawang unan ang inodoro.
7. Nawawala ang pagiging kuripot.
8. Ikinikwento ang buong buhay ng angkan.
9. English speaking kahit wrong grammar.
10. Panay ang sabi ng “D nako iinom” habang sumusuka.

Kanin Baboy
Source: Text
Juan: Manong, kunin ko nap o yang kanin baboy sabi ni tatay.
Manong: Juan! Binata ka na ah! Nag-aaral ka na ba?
Juan: Opo, College na po ako ngayon.
Manong: Anong kinukuha mo?
Juan: Kanin baboy po.

Ang Pagtatagpo ni Dr. J.P. Rizal at Inday sa langit.
Source: Text
Rizal: Alam mo Inday, and hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay mas masahol pa sa halimaw at malansang isda.
Inday: Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. But don’t you know that I read all your writings, unfortunately I was really disappointed, because majority of your novels were written in Spanish and Latin. So therefore you are the ultimate violator of your own aphorism.
Rizal: Yabang mo f_ck u!

Rich kid and Poor kid talking…
Source: Text
Rich Kid: Sometimes if you work hard enough you can get what you want. But most of time what you want and what you get are two different things. Sometimes God breaks our spirit to save our soul. Sometimes he breaks our heart to make us whole. Although we can’t have everything want, we can want everything we have.
Poor Kid: Pakyu! Damot mo! Pahiram lang ng PSP, eh! Dame mo pa sinsabi!